Sunday, 24 February 2013

Generous




Last night, Stevie and I experienced an explosion of generosity and as I reflect on it this morning, I don't think it's fair to not share.




Sneaky Mother-in-law - Part 1

This story actually begins on Friday night. I was sitting in the living room, nursing T when I got a call. It was Aline, my mother-in-law. As I listened to her sweet sweet offer, I jumped at the chance. Within 20 minutes, she was at my door and I was handing over my fed, burped, clean and happy baby to grandma. She was sending me away to get some time by myself. This would have been a perfect gift in itself. But then she gave me two fifty dollar gift cards to La Senza and told me to buy myself something pretty. AND THEN the icing on the cake: ten dollars in cash because "you'll probably get hungry".

I practically ran out the door (after giving a few simple instructions for T's bedtime). I drove a little faster than I usually do, smiled a little broader than I usually do (in fact, I usually don't smile at all when driving) and arrived at the College Square location with a spring in my step. I enjoyed shopping around and picking out some essentials, including (but not limited to) a heavenly pair of large, stretchy pyjama bottoms. If I'm gonna have more babies, I don't want to make the mistake of buying pjs that don't have some major stretch. Then I purposely picked out a bra that had a tiny little snag so I could shave an extra 10% off the price. I walked out of there having paid a grand total of 97 cents of my own money after the gift cards.








I still had plenty of time so I went to Joe to find some more clothing items that I've been needing. Almost everything I needed was on clearance. Amazing. Then I made a quick stop at Subway and enjoyed a delicious sandwich, saving the other half for later on. When I arrived home, I nursed Theo and put him back to bed. Then I had a hot bath, did my nails and relaxed in my new stretchy jammies before my love came home from work. It was like Christmas morning.




Sneaky Mother-in-law - Part 2

Stevie works on a two-week rotation and works every other weekend. This was his off-weekend so we spent Saturday puttering around the house and hanging out. While sharing some not-so-delicious pizza (I guess it was on sale for a reason) and one-year-old wine (we were given right before I got pregnant), we opened a card from Aline; a late valentine. Inside was a whopping $60! Take THAT breakfast in bed! (I actually loved getting breakfast in bed... I just like to be dramatic). With this surprise cash, we would be able to class up our date a wee bit and hit up downtown. Take THAT Barrhaven! (I actually love Barrhaven... But I had taken time to put on makeup and straighten my hair and I wasn't gonna waste that on Walmart, Timmies and Shoppers).

So off we went, leaving Aline with a bottle of pumped milk in case T woke up while we were gone. We found free parking and got a table at the lovely Vittoria Trattoria, an Italian restaurant in the ByWard market. The place was packed, in wonderful bustling sort of way. It was warm and inviting with delicious smells and a candlelit atmosphere. Stevie got a coffee and I got a cappuccino and we shared a scrumptious molten lava chocolate fudge cake and ice cream. Why didn't I take a picture? I'm sort of afraid of becoming someone who takes pictures of everything cool they eat and do, alerting the world of their classy or exciting lifestyle. I wanted to enjoy the moment for what it was, sharing it only with the one who mattered at that moment, my hot date. Also, I forgot.

We talked and laughed and made awkward eye communication when a couple sat down at the table right beside us. And I mean right beside us. Ours had clearly been a table for four that was suddenly separated when there were two parties of two instead of a party of four. A few inches was all that separated us from them. It took deliberate effort to not eavesdrop on their conversation, especially since the man had a delightful british accent. We held hands and snickered that no one in the room knew we had a baby. Sometimes, since we're young and most people think we're dating, we put our hands in front of our faces or point to the menu with our ring fingers... Just so everyone knows.

We stopped at Sugar Mountain and Stevie practically begged me to pick out a treat. Being the good wife that I am, I picked out a big box of Junior Mints... Makes me want to watch Seinfeld... Then we stopped off at Walmart for a bag of chips and headed home to finish off our date with a movie.

When we got home, Theo had only just woken up. Then, before we said goodbye to grandma-lady, she gave us a movie and some popcorn!








I fed T and we put him to bed, got into our pjs and settled onto the couch to watch our movie. I usually fall asleep during movies, so I decided to quickly wash my face so that I could go right into bed after the movie (also, I was getting a big pimple and I didn't want to give my foundation one more second to infiltrate the pore). While I was doing that, Stevie got our snack ready. As I came down the stairs, Stevie said, "look in the fridge." So I did. It was magically full of our favourite foods! Bacon, cheese, 18% cream, Philadelphia chip dip, milk, almonds, cranberry juice, real maple syrup and asparagus (I love asparagus). "...And the freezer", Stevie added. Ice cream, all kinds of frozen fruits and... is that... salmon (I love salmon)?! "...And the pantry" he added again. Chips, Oreos, and peanut butter. Aline knows how much Stevie likes and how quickly we go through peanut butter. Wow. We were giddy.

This morning, Theo was extremely snotty and had a cough so we decided that him and I would stay home from church. Stevie was leading worship so he went alone. While I was making my coffee (with 18% cream, thank you very much), I noticed a brand new cd of baby lullabies left beside the boom box. I also noticed that the dirty dishes I had left in the sink yesterday were clean and neatly piled up on the counter. At first I thought that Stevie had done it before leaving for church... But the fact that they weren't put away made me suspicious. I deduced it must have been another act of Aline, the sneaky mother-in-law!

 Am I lucky? I don't think luck has anything do to with this. Am I fortunate? I think that would be an understatement. Am I blessed? Abundantly. I am convinced that God gives great gifts through great people. Thank you to Aline for paying it forward. Thank you for your thoughtful, generous and sacrificial gifts of time and resources to bless us. Free babysitting would have been enough, but you took it like 20 steps further. We are grateful!



If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! - Matthew 7:11





















Saturday, 9 February 2013

Tutorials Are Fun!

I've always loved teaching people how to do things. As a kid you could find me in the furnace room/workshop, making custom creations and talking to myself. I had my own show, if you didn't know. Didi's Arts and Crafts. Sometimes I even spoke with a british accent as I imitated my crafting idol, Neil Buchanan from Art Attack. I would methodically explain each step to the camera and live audience, being sure to always have an "already completed" version of the craft to show while the glue and paint dried on the other. I also pretended I was the host of a cooking show whenever I made myself meals and snacks. I did this for years, even learning how to whisper the instructions so my family members didn't hear me and discover my secret life as a TV show host.

Here is an episode of Didi's Arts and Crafts for your viewing pleasure, complete with commercials. Enjoy!



Recently, I realized that I can still live in my little childhood fantasy of being an expert on camera through a new avenue: tutorials. One day a couple of weeks ago I came upon a make-up tutorial by a beautiful Australian girl. Being a huge fan of accents, I was entranced as she expertly applied her makeup and explained each step. It got me thinking, "what's stopping me from doing a tutorial?" Answer: Nothing. So I made one!

Here it is!


Wednesday, 6 February 2013

Blues or Bliss?



After I gave birth, I had fully anticipated the baby blues. Since I was young, I feared (sort of irrationally) that I would have difficult pregnancies and postpartum depression. The cloud of sadness I call depression has been a like an unwelcome, intrusive relative barging into my life since I was thirteen. It sort of ebbs and flows in and out of my life throughout the seasons. I had a pretty difficult pregnancy emotionally, so I expected to get a bad case of the baby blues once he was born. But amazingly I have not.




I wrote in my journal a couple of weeks ago, "I'm not depressed. None of my projections of my future as a mother included me NOT being depressed..." It's really rather shocking to me.

When I talked to Stevie about this, he responded with excitement but not surprise. He has been praying for me everyday for a long time. He prays daily that God would give me joy and freedom from depression. I confess I have not had the same devotion to such radical prayer.

I'm ashamed to admit that I silently don't believe God can do it. After all, depression has weighed me down for years, infecting virtually every aspect of my life. I've learned how to cope, how to hide, how to fake... It has become a part of my identity. Surely, God cannot sever such a powerful thing that has latched on to me.


Is my faith so weak that I cannot trust God with my psyche? Do I think God so small that He cannot trade my sadness for joy? Have I forgotten seasons when I have been freed from depressions' heavy load? If those seasons weren't a gift of God, I don't know what is.

It's amazing how quickly I forget God's faithfulness - Embarrassing really. He has done it before, He can do it again! Oh God, forgive me for my unbelief!

So, I'm not depressed. That is truly an answer to prayer. Perhaps this is just a season. I do not think that my days of having a downcast soul are over altogether. And even if I do sink back into depression, I hold that God is good and is no less good when I am sad. But whatever happens tomorrow, I am so thankful for this precious time enjoying my little one without the weight of a heavy soul.





I really believe I was made for this motherhood thing. It feels like all my life experience, work experience, gifts and talents, hopes and dreams, have been preparing me for this all-encompassing role of mother. I have a purpose, deeper and stronger than before, that gives life to even the most mundane daily tasks. Not that I didn't have a purpose before - to serve God and love people - but that now I have a role as wife and mother to execute that purpose. I'm not sure how much sense I'm making. I start to ramble on when I've been writing a while. So I'll wrap it up by saying

Praise God for showing His face to me in this season... I hope He entrusts more little souls to us in the future!

Saturday, 2 February 2013

The Truth About Recovery







Interestingly enough giving birth was the easy part. And it wasn't even easy! The recovery process proved to be longer and more difficult than I had anticipated, even with much candid preparation from my friends.



As with the labour story, if you're not interested in some unpleasant details, this post probably isn't for you. If you are a man, this post definitely isn't for you. As I write this, I think of my friends who are getting ready to have babies and want to know what other moms have experienced. I hope this helps to mentally prepare you a tad. Without further ado, here is my unabridged story...





WOO-HOO! 

Let's jump right in. I tore. I didn't mention this in my post about the delivery because I thought it would take away from my depiction of the joy-filled arrival of my bouncing baby boy. And because of the epidural, I didn't even know I tore until the doctor told me she was going to stitch up my third degree laceration. For some context, only about 4% of women who deliver vaginally end up with such severe tearing as a third-degree or fourth-degree tear. The reason for me was likely due to Theo's size (8lbs), in part, but more likely the fact that I only pushed for 10 minutes. With no time to stretch out, perhaps tearing was inevitable.


I couldn't think of a picture that could work here...



Because of this unfortunate incident I had a lot of trouble walking, sitting, and the worst, using the bathroom. The first day after giving birth I felt fine. The epidural took some time to wear off and I was on Tylenol, Advil and Morphine for the pain. I didn't even think the painkillers were necessary because I didn't think I was in pain. But when the epidural fully wore off was when the pain really got started. On day 2 and 3 I was thankful for the painkillers, to say the least. There were a few times when the nurse didn't come in and ask if I wanted my next dose of morphine. I didn't think much of it immediately but I always ended up pressing the call button a few hours after my anticipated dose. In tears, I would ask for some relief, wondering why I hurt so much. Lots of stitches, a sensitive wound and... hemorrhoids (ughh) will do that to a girl. Even my nurses pitied me and affirmed that my affliction was legitimate. They would say things "Oh my, you poor thing!" which actually made me feel better.







I was also taking a stool softener in my pile of pills they gave me. Yes, this post is all about being totally frank. I was told that when the time came, I would appreciate it. And boy, did I! But it's effects weren't lasting. The day I came home, my little friend the stool softener didn't seem to treat me quite so well. All I will say about that is that it felt like I birthed a second child. Flushing it away felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend I had, only moments before, worked to hard to produce. This type of pain continued for over a week and began to slowly improve after that.


Stitch vs Itch

Once the pain decreased, something worse and more horrible took its place about 3 weeks later: Itching. Just think about when you get a cut and it begins to heal. What happens? It itches. Perhaps the worst feeling on earth is an itch you cannot scratch. That is where a gift from my girlfriends triumphantly swooped in and saved the day (figuratively speaking, of course). Before I had Theo, my sisters in my small group (not biological sisters) put together a basket of post-baby goodies and necessities. There were chocolate bars and epsom salts for comfort, a notebook and pen to record feeding and sleeping patterns and whatever (complete with a few pages of wisdom from the mamas), a water bottle to drink from when I'm thirsty from nursing, kleenex for when I cry... I'm not sure if I'm forgetting anything... And finally, a ring of measuring cups with a stack of maxi pads and a recipe card hole-punched onto the ring. Upon further inspection, I read the recipe card that looked something like this:

The 'Woo-hoo' Soother -
You'll need: 1/4 cup water
                    a pad
                    a freezer
                    a 'woo-hoo'
Instructions: Pour 1/4 cup of water onto open pad, freeze until frozen, apply.


This was SO helpful with the itch. Although I used this method for the pain in the earlier days, it was the only thing that kept me from losing my head from the taunting itch. Woo-hoo indeed.



My Breast Friend

So what's my story on breastfeeding? First of all, I was really excited to try it out, knowing it was the best option for my baby. I also knew that it is not uncommon for breastfeeding to be difficult for mother and baby and sometimes even impossible to lean on as the only feeding method (latching issues, milk supply, etc.). So, like my stance on pain relief during childbirth, I held my preference loosely, knowing anything could happen. I was ok with that. And it's a good thing too. You see, Theo was born with Ankyloglossia. Sounds scary... But I just wanted to be dramatic. It's simply the medically correct way for saying Theo is tongue-tied.


You can sort of see his heart-shaped tongue here. This is what it looks like if he tries to stick it out.



Now, before I gave birth (starting almost 2 weeks before) I was leaking colostrum, a nutrient-rich form of breast-milk that comes in before your regular milk. After I gave birth, I had loads of the stuff keeping Theo fat and happy. That was really helpful, and apparently unusual that I produced so much. So the first couple days were a breeze. But he never really latched properly, giving me a few mean and painful hickies. Eventually, the nurse gave (sold) me a nipple shield. Her and the lactation consultant convinced me that with the combination of "his short tongue and my flat nipples", it would help him get enough milk until his tongue or my nipples shaped up and helped out. It's amazing how a little comment can make you feel like a freak. No matter, I'm over it. The latter has happened since (suction has a way of extending that which was once flat), but his tongue is still short and cannot extend past his lips. So I'm still using the nipple shield. We call it my fipple (fake nipple). I can nurse without it, but it often means a lot of readjusting throughout a feeding which can be a little frustrating for both of us.

This week we are going to CHEO. We decided to get his tongue (the lingual frenulum... The thing that connects the bottom of the tongue to the floor of the mouth) clipped so he can latch properly and I don't have to use the fipple for the next year. We also want to avoid him having speech issues when he's older. The good thing is, babies don't have the blood vessel under their tongue like adults do so getting it snipped a little won't be painful.


Engorgement Etc.

In other breastfeeding news, I did become engorged once. It was Christmas eve and we were at Stevie's aunts' for her annual Christmas party. Even though I had been nursing Theo religiously every 2 hours, all of the sudden I realized that my breasts (one more than the other) was full and extremely painful. It was tingling and burning and awful. I also had forgotten to take my pain meds that afternoon... It was the most pain I'd been in since the delivery. Anyway, I nursed him every 2 hours for the next few days and it went away and hasn't happened since. I would very much like if that never ever happened again.


Trying to smile through intense pain at the Christmas Eve party



I was also anticipating having contractions while breastfeeding or having a painful letdown experience, neither of which happened. I'm very grateful for that. All in all, this whole breastfeeding thing has been great. I just sort of wish is was easier to do in public...







Wait for the Weight

I gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy. Fifty-five pounds to be precise, with a final weigh-in at exactly two-hundred pounds right before Theo was born. I didn't really eat a lot of junk or indulge in my cravings (except on special occasions). I think my body just needed the extra weight. I also had a lot of water weight. Not everyone swells up like I did, but even my lips plumped up. And it didn't go down right away when he was born either. As you can see in this picture, --> I was quite swollen. I had night sweats every night for over 2 weeks and the water weight is finally coming down. I know that it's a normal part of childbearing, but it's still hard to be bigger than I was... I guess it took me nine months to gain all this weight, it might take another nine months (or more) to lose it. Heck, I might never lose it and that's ok too. It's a price I'll gladly pay for my child[ren]. 





Shark Attack

When Stevie and I were on our honeymoon scuba diving in the ocean, our instructor took us to a spot to dive way out in the open water. We dove quite deep to see a certain reef that was supposedly quite beautiful. It was extremely dark. I could't see much beyond our instructor's headlamp. After seeing some incredible coral, we started swimming up when I saw a huge shadow right beside me............... Just kidding. That never happened. The reason this is subtitled "shark attach" is because I got a lot of stretch marks.


On our honeymoon



One night as I was looking at myself in the mirror, Stevie came in looking concerned. "...Does it... hurt?" At another time he said it looked like I had been attacked by a shark. He means well :). Alas, I got lots of purple stretch marks all over my stomach, hips, thighs and of course, my breasts. Although stretch marks don't hurt physically, they hurt to look at. Now they look less like purple water-colour lightning bolts and more like scars from a set of sharp teeth or claws. A friend once said she thought God gave us pimples to strengthen our character. I think stretch marks and a flabby tummy are my pimples. I'm glad I didn't wear bikinis regularly before because I'm certainly never wearing one ever again. Even if Stevie and I go scuba diving again.



  Anyway, there is SO much more I could say about my recovery, but the longer a post becomes the less inspiration I have (and the less people like you want to read it). To close, here are some things I couldn't live without:

- A Husband
Stevie was amazing during the whole process. He took three weeks off and I don't think I changed more then 5 diapers in those whole three weeks. He has also been verbally affirming as I adjust to my new body (It's been a hard adjustment). He tells me I look beautiful everyday and I choose to believe him.

- A Private Room
Ok, I could live without a private hospital room (and the bill!). But Stevie and I decided to make a little investment. We feared the worst about semi-private rooms after hearing horror stories from friends about getting no rest between other people's visitors and colicky roommates. So we went for it. And I'm so glad.

- A Sitz Bath
A little bit of epsom salt dissolved into a warm sitz bath provided much needed relief throughout the day and really helped to heal the area... Woo-hoo!

- A Hot Bath
I don't usually enjoy sitting in the tub.. I get bored. And after sogg-a-fying a few too many books and ruining my blackberry after texting in the tub, I never know what to do in there after I've lathered, rinsed and repeated... But boy oh boy having a bath was the bomb!... or the the balm I needed for my tired, sore, aching body. There was nothing better those first few weeks.

- Frozen Pads (The Woo-hoo soother)
It may seem a little shocking (both the idea and the feeling immediately after application) but SO worth it. If you don't say woo-hoo, we'll refund your money and you can keep the free measuring cups as our gift to you!

- Friends (really just the meals they bring you)
Some people think that by visiting they are helping you out. But visitors, no matter who they are, are exhausting. Just making sure I was dressed for friends to come was overwhelming... Anywho... Lots of friends brought us meals. Some even offered to do the dishes and fold laundry too. But the meals were the best. We ate nothing but free meals for 2 weeks. We are very fortunate to have so many generous people in our lives and it was one of the most helpful things!


... Until next time!