Forgetting Bad Days

Today is almost over and I'm relieved. It wasn't a good day. But I won't talk about why it was a bad day, because frankly, I'm not really sure. Instead, I want to remember things I love.


Today's topic: Stevie.


Stevie is my husband. We've been married 2 years and we dated each other for 6 years prior. Yup, I've been in love with him since I was 14.

Here we are at a youth conference with our high school best friends, Dave and Victoria. I'm the blonde and Stevie's the red head. Honestly, it's hard to find pictured of us together before the age of 16 because we always hung out in groups and never touched. 

In May of 2008, at 18 years old, Stevie underwent open heart surgery. 

This surgery would end a series of less-invasive oblation surgeries that began over a year prior.  The long and short of it is, he was born with a heart defect (Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome) that became serious during his budding hockey career at age 15. The non-invasive surgeries to follow would have been the end of it, if the surgeons hadn't accidentally punctured a hole in his mitral valve. This was discovered at his annual check-up after the final surgery. The open heart operation was scheduled soon after.

I was fortunate enough to go through the entire process with him. From the first heart palpitations to the final recovery. We had the opportunity to understand the "in sickness and in health" clause early on.

And this is our first kiss. 

This weekend, Stevie is away for work. So since I miss him, let me tell you 3 things I love about him.

1. He has said "i love you" every day since the day we got married. Honestly.

2. He whistles under his breath constantly. It takes an expert to detect it, as it makes virtually no sound. I'm not actually sure if any one else has ever heard him do this. But he literally does it ALL the time. *NOTE* Some days, this falls into the list "things that annoy me most about my husband", (especially if he's been "whistling" the same Owl City song for 2 weeks. If you're married, you understand that something that makes you smile on a good day will send you into a flying rage on a bad day. Or maybe that's just me.

3. He busses to and from work and school every day so that I can have the car. Mind you, I am not working and, most days, have no use for the car. But he takes the bus so he can read and study, not wasting any time, and so that I'm free and comfortable.


That's just 3 things. I could go on. Some wise matchmaker knew just the man I needed and sent him to me on a flightless bird. Thanks for introducing us, Dave, but I'm actually talking about another Matchmaker. Thank you God for the man you've given me. Help me to honour and respect him always.

Satisfied - Part 2

The Gift of Good Weather

Like I mentioned, I've been in a low season. This dismal emotional state is often accompanied by physical ailments. The worst: the dreaded headache. I have suffered from regular headaches for forever, with the exception of my year living in St. Stephen, New Brunswick a couple years ago. I only got two headaches that whole year, and they occurred during a pretty painful throat infection. 

But that's not the only interesting thing about the East Coast. My year there was the single longest span of time I have been completely free from depression. (My use of the word depression is to mean a state of internal sadness, unprompted by external circumstances that effects energy, motivation, productivity, appetite for things I would regularly enjoy, etc.). 

Now, I would love to attribute that time of happiness to my awesome friends at SSU (St. Stephen's University) and all the laughing we did. Or I could direct my thanks to the purpose and enjoyment I felt as I learned in a university environment. Or I could chalk it up to the regular routine I fell into. For nostalgia, here are some pictures that highlight SSU fun. 

Halloween. I'm the sock. 

Performing with Moriah and Madi

You probably wouldn't believe me if I tried to convince you that the folks in this picture are actually quite a handsome bunch... Gotta fund some type of entertainment in a small town I guess.  

I could give credit to any of these things, and although I acknowledge each one certainly contributed, I suspect it was something else: Atmospheric pressure. 

Now you think I'm a total loon. But seriously, almost as soon as I returned home to Ottawa, the heaviness came back, even though it was during the most exciting time of my life: getting married to my best friend. I'll admit, I haven't done any research save a few google searches, but ever since, I've been suspicious about the effects of atmospheric, or barometric pressure, on my emotions and my noggin.

For example, last week, I had a headache every day from Tuesday to Friday (accompanied by a stomach bug and relentless pregnancy heartburn). I was also feeling sad. Then, Saturday came like a breath of fresh air. First, I was served breakfast in bed from my hubby and as I woke up, I realized my headache was finally gone. Then, I felt like a coffee. So we trod purposefully down the hill to Tim Hortons (the only coffee I like these days - don't hate me Bridgehead bodum buddies). As soon as I walked outside, I came alive. The air was cool and the sun was warm –  a welcome relief from the hot and humid summer we've been having. I practically skipped the whole way. I kept telling Stevie "I love this, and this and this!" and "I'm feeling happy!" I felt like her. 


So Stevie and I went to "our spot". It's a secret place (of government owned land, open to the public) near our house where you can stand over the locks on the Rideau River, fish, watch ducks, have a picnic, dock your boat, and watch planes take off and land right over your head. I was happy.

Later, I decided to do a little research. I learned that a standard atmospheric pressure is defined as being equal to 101.325 kPa. Guess what the reading was for this happy day on theweathernetwork.com? Yup, 101.32 kPa! So I've decided to begin to record the pressure each day, along with symptoms I might have. Just a little experiment. Anyone know anything else about this? I'm open to hearing more (unless you have proof that there is no correlation between the two - then, I'm not open :) ).

And of course, all good things come from above. I think the standard pressure that day was a gift from God. He knows the desires of my heart and he knows when my soul is downcast. I'm convinced that he is behind the smallest details and the biggest blessings, even as big as the weather. 

Arts & Crafts with Naomi: Painting with Stripes

     The first step in doing crafts with kids 

is the prep.

I should mention, though we have a baby on the way, we don't exactly live in a child friendly environment. Our open concept, 2-bedroom, yard-less, white-carpeted condo is for singles, newlyweds or seniors. It doesn't exactly lend itself to energetic, creative, messy munchkins (and let's be clear, those are exactly the types of munchkins I want!) So, the preparation process is key. 

a. I covered the table with newspaper (junk mail) and secured it by taping it down.

b. I put an old stool in the bathroom so my little guest could reach the sink. The thing about the stool is that it is a 3-legged stool which seems to have been created for decoration and likely doesn't meet safety standards.

c. I taped the four canvases in different configurations and got the paints out. 

Ready for step two!

Enter: Naomi.

The second, and doubtless the most important step in doing arts and crafts with kids is ensuring you have a kid in your possession. I was lucky enough to borrow this one from dear friends, Seth and Rebekah. In fact, Naomi is my very first art student. Approaching her final weeks as a two-year-old, Naomi is a free-spirited tot with a passion for pretending. She enjoys long walks through Costco, has a deep respect for Little Bear and loves to wear dresses. 

 Add: Smock

This is Naomi's "smile" for the camera. 

Final Step: PAINT! 

Hands make great stamps.

Naomi loved turning the water different colours 

the master at work.

Cleanup time. 

ta-da!

Satisfied - Part 1

The Gift of a Song

I have a tendency toward feeling down. This has been magnified since I became pregnant in April. And although the first trimester was admittedly worse, I've been feeling consistently low. One of the most frustrating things about the way I often feel is that friends, however hard they try, don't seem to understand. And I don't have the vocabulary or the wherewithal to try to explain.


A few months ago, my dad (who is the most godly, generous, faithful, influential, sweet sweet father I've ever had) emailed me a song.



(<- this is dad and me at my church youth group's high school graduation ceremony in 2008)


I didn't listen to the song for weeks, but when I finally did, it immediately became my favourite. Then, just last week, I listened to it again, after not having heard it for a while.


It.wrecked.me.

I won't go into the wreckage details, but as I tearfully strained to sing along I felt understood. Not really by the writer of the song, or by the downtrodden soul who penned the Psalm it was based on, but by the One who breathed Himself into both. As I sang, I knew that the God who wrote history was intimately aware of how I felt, even more than I was. So much so that He gave words to my pain. He gave me a song to sing. And it isn't a song that causes me to dwell on sadness and prolong negative thoughts and feelings. It's a song that acknowledges those things and then allows me to preach to myself the truth of God's love, faithfulness, sovereignty and graciousness.

Ultimately, my desire is to be satisfied in Him. It's true that I don't always feel that way, but by remembering that true satisfaction comes from God alone, I am set free from my mind's taunting blame and from the pursuit of happiness. (what's wrong with pursuing happiness? Mark Driscoll explains in a humorous and effective way here).  It's not about pursuing happiness. It's about pursuing God, the author and giver of all happiness and joy.

So here is the song:

Satisfied in You by The Sing Team

Based on my new favourite passage, Psalm 42 

Inspired by John Piper's sermon entitled Spiritual Depression in the Psalms. Seriously, It's amazing. He even talks about how it's important to have a "battery of songs that work on the greatest days of leaping and on the worst days of collapse". I highly recommend it. 

pedicures and taco salad

This is Esther, my little sister. 

and this is Esther now. She's fifteen. 

Beautiful, eh?

For my birthday this year, Esther gave me a voucher for my choice of manicure or pedicure. 

My birthday was in May. 

But she's not the only one who's a little tardy with gift delivery. One of my Christmas gifts to Esther was a meal and a girls night together. So we decided to combine our gifts and have a pedicure girls night at my house. 

1. Pedicures

2. A family favourite: taco salad

left: accurate      right: appealing

3. Modern Family: Season 2

Although we both fell asleep during Modern Family, 

we had a great time. 

Driscolls

Mark Driscoll.

I admire this man's courage and communication skills...

and his raspberries in raspberry yogurt.